So what does "My Why" mean, you ask? Well, it refers to the reason why I'm doing what I'm doing. If you don't know who i am or what i do then let me bring you up to speed.
Well it all began back in the 90's. Of course as an adventurous misguided teen with a bit of an entrepreneurial streak i had the big idea too not only make a useless hobby of smoking cannabis a regular ritual and on to a profitable future i.e the black market lol. I had been involved with a lot of shady people and had frequented many inner city areas that i genuinely enjoyed and made many friends. I was attracted to environments that were polar opposites of my own as well as the many personalities i would encounter. Not only did i enjoy being in places where i could be who i wanted to be but no one really knew me except thru acquaintances that vouched for me.
At this time in the 90's, Gangs here in the Southern New England area where i still live were very prevalent, some more organized than others and highly dangerous. The City i'm referring in my adventures was infested with Gangs, lacked a Gang Taskforce and common corruption at every turn was the norm. There was even a Gang Land Documentary, It was akin to the Wild West! I had to learn to communicate with complex and dangerous people, navigate Notorious neighborhoods all the while being "Solo" and "unaffiliated". Basically i was enjoying freedom from the Burbs where most of my unadventurous and boring friends resided and i was making moves, making connects and thinking way outside the box.
Let's fast-forward a few years. As i assume you may get the gist of what i was involved in. By this time i was known in my town but in a less obvious way. I stayed off the grid so to speak and was very careful. See, we had beepers and payphones back then and no surveillance cameras on every street pole. I had my "Gate" and stashes everywhere. I only involved a few close friends that all had their own resources or abilities to facilitate transactions when and where they needed to happen. I had the phone numbers to every payphone in town so if you paged us we knew where to go. No talking on the phone, no posting up on corners and NO Hand to Hand. It was a smooth Operation. If you were wondering... No dope or hard shit was involved because that brings unwanted attention and all the filthy connotations that come with it. I do have morals.
It's the end of the 90's by now and the inevitable happened but not like i envisioned it if "it" were to happen at all. I got Busted... 17 years old and facing the Judge. How i got busted was due to a traffic stop and an overzealous Cop with a bad reputation. Basically, all my friends in the burbs were pinched by this Shit Bag and now it was my turn. Long story short, I took the wrap so my buddy wouldn't get arrested because he had caught a case not long before this incident on unrelated charges and i would have felt like shit knowing i was holding contraband in "his" car. Eventually the manipulative Prick arrested him anyways, Can you believe that shit? We were strip searched, ridiculed and treated like 2nd rate citizens at the behest of my local Police Department all for a petty misdemeanor and given a PTA for having 14 grams of Cannabis on my person. A Spectacular Strawberry weed I just bought for that night was staring back at me from the confiscation pile from that nights arrests. The ironic part is that i got finger printed at the very same place i earned my "finger print" merit badge in Boy Scouts! how fucked is that!? Now i was warned by my parents about additional ridicule if my name was in the newspapers and how i would disappoint my extended family.
Besides selling cannabis i also tried my hand at growing as well. Lots of half ass gorilla grows indoors and out, many were found or stolen. I had nobody around me to help let alone have any pertinent knowledge with growing anything. I bought a book on growing cannabis from a Head Shop lol. There was no Amazon or Bookstores that carried this type of material so it was a tough go. I was reading shit i had no clue about and it was way more work than i could have imagined. I thought you plant a seed, it grows and buds. Boy was i sadly mistaken. More on this another time.
Now i could go on all day about the dumb shit i did and all the repercussions that followed but this story does have a particular direction i'm taking it. Cannabis! and Why? Outside of general curiosity and experimentation i stumbled onto more than just an escape from the grips of boredom. I eventually found that i was using cannabis more to "medicate" but i didn't realize it at the time. See, when i was younger growing up in the 80's and 90's a lot of the known issues people are afflicted with today weren't a conversation back then let alone have treatments for. When i was in school there were no peanut allergies, mental disorders and no identity politics. Our only concerns at the time were the Russians nuking us, Aids and LSD from strangers and the typical bullying and hazing that was never addressed like today. Watching the Challenger blow up live on t.v. at school was an odd experience too, seeing teachers crying and the kids were really confused. These things can weigh on a person and the ramifications of the Adult world around us was very heavy and overwhelming at times, especially if you were in a household affected by drugs and alcohol. Us kids talk amongst ourselves and many could relate. Childhood trauma.
My Cannabis consumption was an everyday occurrence. We didn't have all the strains and knowledge that's out there now. We didn't even have "flavored wraps". So when it came to terps and their benefits that wasn't even a thought. We smoked what we had. No weed snobs back then. Now accumulated "trauma" and the heavy responsibilities and impacts of the world around me was more than i anticipated at times. I had friends and family with their own problems and everyone dealt with it in their own way. Hobbies and productive activities may help defer the madness for some but the madness for others is more complicated and they became victims to horrible addictions and even death. Pharmaceuticals, Liquor, Hard drugs and all out repugnant behavior was something i wanted no part of. I was into being chill and needed to quell the overthinking and stress of the day, escape from the weight of the world, you know?
One day, in a part of the city i frequented with one of my other close friends (He was imprisoned for the plant too) and while we were driving along he suddenly pulled over. He pointed to this big message spray painted on a wall on the Avenue. It read: " You can kill a cow and eat it but you can't pick a plant and smoke it" How true was that. He said he had stopped there the other night and sprayed his message for all to see. That message couldn't be further from the truth. And that statement still lives with me today. We were so-called criminals and treated as such for possessing a plant that was natural and unadulterated.
Eventually i was using cannabis more for medicinal purposes rather than recreational as time went on. I recognized when i needed to use it and why. I was self medicating for many reasons but one of them was Claustrophobia. I suffered from this when i was young and it was extremely debilitating. Even attending gatherings with family would be very challenging. Also, there are the constant battles with anxiety (not from Cannabis) as well as concentration problems. I always get bored with things quickly and i am constantly researching subjects, hobbies and entrepreneurial opportunities etc.. Why can't I stay put and just finish one thing and move on? I'm constantly getting sidetracked by ideas and thoughts to the point that i get pissed off that i get tired and have to sleep. Sleep is such an inconvenience in my mind. I hate when i'm impeded and it agitates me to no end. I tend to isolate a lot and i'm very content with it. I'm in my own world and i do what i want until i have to go somewhere. Then an entire new set of issues and rituals arise for my preparation of having to deal with the general public. And yes, I said rituals lol. OCD rituals. That's an entire beast of it's own to the point if i don't do something a certain way and walk away then it weighs heavy on my mind as if there is some impending doom looming overhead and something bad might happen. Something as simple as placing a container on a shelf, it needs to be squared off or even with other edges and not sloppily put away. A light switch may have not been flipped fully or other shit that doesn't make sense. The depths of my overthinking and overanalyzing is mind boggling as well and the list goes on. Over time I started to learn that these mental afflictions have actual names, can be diagnosed but the treatments if any are highly questionable, at least in my mind.
So, you might be thinking... "This Dude is fucked" or maybe you can relate? not to sound like an asshole but I personally don't care what you think and i'm not looking for a pity party. I'm just another guy in the world that's noone special who's being honest and putting this out into the ether for anyone who may read it and want to have a small understanding of my position on what and why i do what i do.
Ok, Now let's fast forward to the end of 2020. At this point I've been seeing many laws changing in my state pertaining to cannabis or should i say Medical Cannabis. The medical cannabis aspect was the first stage and i was surprised. Now it was still illegal but the charges for possession were just ticketable offenses now assuming you had a reasonable amount that was for personal consumption. Now i'm thinking in my mind right on! But on the other hand i don't trust it, i still feel like a criminal and never forgot my first encounter with the law. So naturally i tread lightly, don't bring attention to myself and stay off the radar. I can't divulge my location but where i am in Southern New England i had to travel across state lines to purchase recreational cannabis for my medicinal needs by now. It's not cheap and you get taxed to death but it's legal, until i cross state lines on my way home. Now i had people who i could get cannabis from but i wanted the experience and the ability to choose from a menu which is still mind boggling. Either way these trips were getting expensive and with gas alone and the rising prices now it's not so feasible especially when it's a 70+ mile round trip every time. I had to think of something.
At some point the same year i joined Reddit and began to realize all the cannabis communities that existed there. I had been aware of related Youtube content and was really inspired by what people were doing indoors. I had to get involved some how and that brings me to the next event. I entered a contest to win a complete indoor grow tent kit on the r/MarsHydrogrowers subreddit. I entered into this raffle, contest whatever you want to call it with no real expectations and with my lifelong losing streak i didn't think much of it. Then one day i'm scrolling through the same subreddit and i see the screenshot and announcement that i won. I won! Holy shit! that kit wasn't cheap and it was all mine. A complete MarsHydro 2x2 grow tent kit, a TS600 with all the fixings! by way of AliExpress. I was blown away and very ecstatic. But there was a problem, what was i going to grow and where the hell can i get seeds?
Prior to winning the Grow Tent kit, a family member had planted a few seeds in the garden and i had no idea until i saw the ubiquitous weed leaves coming up from the soil in a few spots in between the tomato plants. I was intrigued because i was the usual culprit that did this type of shit. Upon further investigation they were apparently Blueberry Auto flowers that were from ILGM.com and now my intrigue has spiked. So the "I" became a "We" and from then on it has been about the "Family". But the initial intention behind those Auto Flowers was to serve as a medicinal alternative to the typically addictive and heavy side effect laden pharmaceuticals that my family member was taking due to a traumatic and disfiguring accident some years back. My other family member had suffered from a devastating accident as well, although not disfiguring they also share long lasting effects and pain followed with multiple medical procedures and pharmaceuticals. Do you notice a common theme here?
Pharmaceuticals, The bane of many. The horrific and unethical evolution of Big Pharma is one thing but the demonization of holistic practices and the use of "Controversial" plants is sickening. I could get biblical and scientific if need be but if you have done your own research then you should know what i'm referring to. Ok, some medications i admit are needed and have their purposes, i get it. But for instance, do i really want 10 side effects to a medication that's used to increase ones appetite at the cost of over $100 a pop or could i make some medicinal edibles at the fraction of the cost with no side effect other than the main goal of said medication. And they say Stoners are idiots. Enough of the rambling already. This was supposed to be a blog post and now it's beginning to be a book. Back to it...
Ok, now i have a Complete grow kit thanks to MarsHydro and now i have a seed source. And if you were wondering about the Blueberry Autos. It was a shit harvest and a lot of hard lessons were learned. We're going to start fresh this time around with an indoor grow. Now mind you, i have the basic idea and principals of how to grow indoors from previous attempts in the past at other locations but i was not experienced or even had any idea what i was getting into. It was more than just potting soil and dreadful Miracle Grow. Remember when i said hard lessons were learned? that's one of them. We did purchase a MarsHydro TS1000 grow kit together just before i won the TS600 kit but we didn't use it yet. And that brings me to the First official video update on my youTube Channel that i ever made. Mars Hydro Grow Journal + TS600 on Feb. 28th 2021. I started the grow journal with the TS600 so i could post my updates on Reddit and on my newly made YouTube Channel, MarsMedigrow. I won the kit so i felt it was right to start with that and show my appreciation to the subreddit. Eventually i was permanently banned from Reddit for other reasons. Great! I can focus on YouTube and start an Instagram.
So here we are. December 2022, 108 YouTube videos and 188 Instagram posts later and i'm making tinctures for those in need and now writing a blog on my website. It's not the first blog of my life i.e. other failed websites but i feel it will be one with meaning and purpose because i have a passion for growing, not only cannabis containing THC or CBD but other plants with recognized medicinal properties such as micro greens, medicinal mushrooms and other garden variety plants. I hope this website and blog will be informative and a safe place for like-minded people to connect and share their experiences. I'm not an expert by any means but i have learned a thing or two thanks to my penchant for learning new things. I'm just sharing my journey as Entertainment and if you get something out of my content that is helpful or inspiring then let me know.
Thank you for reading all be it longer than expected but necessary to provide proper context. Thank you to all that relate and understand and a BIG THANK YOU to all my Subscribers and followers. I appreciate all of you, all the love you share and to the community in whole for teaching and inspiring me. ✌
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